Know Your Enemy

The following list of cars is an initial selection. There will be more to follow. We have supplemented our own choices for the Know your Enemy list with some of the cars and related technical info submitted to us by FBF guests. We appreciate the contributions and the good-hearted fun they share with us in preparing this list. If you know of any particular car that you think might be a good candidate send it our way. Once again, it’s all in good fun so there’s no need to declare war… j.c./r.c.

Alfa Romeo GTV and Spider: “Rich man’s Fiat”??

Don’t get us wrong. We really love Alfas. But we would be truly remiss not to add this car to our list. We’ve owned them, worked on them, raced them and like our Fiats, we pretty much know them inside and out. They are cars that have always had our respect and along with our Fiats, have animated our local friendly rivalries. Aside from the rust issues common to the older models, they are fairly well designed cars. They’re mechanically robust, powerful and make good platforms for street high performance or for race applications. In stock form they make more grunt and the GTV in particular (our personal favorite) will simply outperform your Fiat or Lancia with little fuss. Unfortunately, the Alfa Spider benefits more from its looks than from its performance. Typical of many older Alfas, the Spider is in our opinion among the most beautifully styled cars to come out of the old country. As far as performance goes, it does run well but it suffers the indignity of being overweight and underpowered. Additionally, it’s a bit too softly sprung and it cowl shakes… a lot, rendering it more of a pig than a performer. Notwithstanding these deficiencies, it doesn’t take a lot to wring more punch out of either of these cars. They respond extremely well to engine modifications and suspension upgrades. Speaking of modifications and go fast parts, Alfas benefit from a very healthy aftermarket in the U.S. and abroad.

Common performance set-ups for Alfa four cylinders include side-draft carburetors which, until the recent rising popularity of DFI conversions, have been de rigueur for competition. In street applications, carburetors are generally the conversion of choice, used to replace the standard Spica mechanical injection units. That said, Spica injection is still a good system and can be tuned for better performance but it has its limitations. And frankly, no car makes quite the same beautiful sounds as an Alfa with Webers. Different performance cams are available for Alfas, which, incidentally, are chain driven, and the really nice thing about Alfa cams is that they feature adjustable timing sprockets as standard equipment. Add to your motor a set of Borgo 10.4:1 slugs and you’ve got an easy 160 to 170 hp. We could go on about Alfas’ visceral appeal but we’ll just limit it to these few points. There are a ton of other go fast options one could explore and several websites and publications that can deal with the details, we’ll leave that to them.

What qualifies the Alfa GTV and Spider for inclusion in this special list is not so much their attributes or deficiencies as performance cars but rather the attitude of the holy expert “Alfista” (like so many we know here in Vancouver). Now before you start launching the hate mail, remember the bit we said about all in good fun. In truth Alfa guys are among the most passionate enthusiasts you'll find anywhere. Great guys!

However, this bit of recognition we're offering here is for that special one among Alfa Romaniacs. You know the type. He’s the clever guy at car shows and track days who, when conversing with a Fiat owner, feels compelled to share his special kind of egregious and patronizing logic about Alfa ownership just for our sake. It’s his contention that Alfas are the kind of gems that Fiat guys could only aspire to own but are really too poor to afford. You know the expression. It’s that faithful Alfista standby about Fiats being the “poor man’s Alfa Romeo”… Uh…Yeah, right. Keep this in mind next time you add up the bills for all you’ve spent on the parts and the work done to your Fiat. It is of course, for the most part, all very tongue in cheek but you can’t help wanting to slap the guy! Don’t lower yourself to that level. You just have to chuckle and wonder if perhaps this foolish arrogance serves to legitimize his own financial limitations and to assuage his insecurity over the thought that he may never own that real rich man’s car he keeps talking about… a Ferrari. Like the one “his friend” owns. Poor soul…

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